How to Set Achievable Parenting Goals
Let's talk about New Year's resolutions. Do you even bother to set yearly resolutions anymore? Or, have you given up because you start the year jazzed up about the big changes your going to make and then find yourself 3 weeks later feeling defeated.
Here's the secret.... resolutions don't work. I bet you already knew that, right? Want to know what does work? Setting goals. Specific, written, measurable goals with timelines are the magic sauce to changing your life. Research shows that using these key elements in goal writing will significantly improve your chances of attaining the goal.
It's funny that usually when we think of goals, most people thing about financial, career, weightloss, or other persoanl goals. We usually don't think about setting relationship, family, or parenting goals. Yet, most of us would put family at the top of our values list. So, why the disconnect between wanting to create strong families but not always seeing this as an area to actively work to improve?
For most of us, knowing how to be good parents is something that we believe should just happen naturally. Like we should be hard-wired to know how to be the best parents possible. But, parenting is a skill and just like any other skill is something we can improve. There is great value at prioritizing your values around your parenting and distilling those values into achievable, actionable, goals.
The first step is to really evaluate and reflect on how you see yourself as a parent right now. Does this match up to the vision of yourself you would like? Make sure to be honest and realistic when doing this. There are no "perfect" parents. So, don't even try to make that the gold standard. So, what would parenting from your "best self" look like?
Would you spend more time playing with your kids and forgetting the sink of dirty dishes?
Be more patient
Yell less
Talk to them more
Feel more confident and relaxed in your parenting decisions
Set up more routines and schedules
Be clear about expectations and consequences
Have less screen time
Give your kids more responsibilities
It's important to know your WHY. How would these things change your family dynamic if you accomplished them? Once you know how these things will improve your life, you will be more motivated to accomplish them.
Write out your goal in very specific terms. Yes, I did say write it down. Writing down goals is proven to be more effective in attaining the goal. And, once written, keep it in a place where you will see it everyday. Try a post it note and stick it in your office or on your bathroom mirror. Seeing our written goal daily will serve as a powerful reminder of what we are trying to achieve.
Once you have a specific, written goal, it’s time to break it down into small actionable steps. What do you need to do differently that will lead to reaching this goal? It might be scheduling time as a family and making that time non-negotiable in your calendar. Or, practicing calming strategies that will improve your patience. Decide ahead of time what these strategies will be and practice them on a daily basis. It doesn’t work to wait until the moment you are already yelling to try a breathing technique you have never used before.
Evaluate your progress towards your goal with a “what’s working and what’s not” attitude. Just be curious if you feel that your not making progress instead of getting frustrated or giving up. Habits take a long time to build and it takes just as long to change them.
If you stick with it this year, I promise you will build parenting momentum and will feel empowered to become the parent you really want to be. Let’s do this 2021!
Leave a comment below and share your biggest parenting goal of this year.